Hello? Yes, hello, is that Starz Agency? Yes, I’d like to speak to someone about representation. No, it’s not for me. I’m calling on behalf of my son. How old is he? He’ll be one in a little over a year’s time. Yes, that’s correct, he has not been born as of yet. But we’ve been given some pretty definite assurances that he will be. Yes, I did check that before I called, I’m not in the business of wasting people’s time, you know. Yes, I’ll hold.
Hello? Hi. That’s correct, I am looking to get an agent for my unborn, and yes I did note your heavy emphasis on the word there, my unborn son. No, I do not think it is a bit early for that. Let me tell you, I’ve seen a lot of friends have children in recent years and none of them ever seem to get around to it. Of course, no-one ever raises the issue outright. It’s not polite to draw attention to anyone’s failings as a parent, is it. But they do talk to each other about having sleepless nights, and I always think, I bet you do, what with all the guilt of not getting your child an agent yet. And they try to make themselves feel better by saying things like “Johnny pointed at a car today and said ‘car'”, when what they really mean is “Johnny wasn’t in a car commercial today”. Well, let me tell you something, when our son points at a car and says ‘car’ it’ll be because that’s what was in his script. Yes, I’ll hold.
Hello? And you are one of the agents? Good, finally. Some details? Fire away. His name? Well, we hadn’t actually decided yet. We were thinking, and you can tell me if this isn’t quite right, but we were thinking Klint. No, not Clint, Klint. With a K. No, I meant with a K at that the beginning. Yes, that’s it. What do you think? Yes, we got it out of a baby naming book. It was one of those which showed you what regular names would look like if they were spelt with a K instead. It was actually one of the most helpful books we’ve found so far. A lot of these new parent books don’t really cover the things we’re really concerned about. I mean, yes, sure, we need to know if he’s crying because he’s hungry or because he’s tired so that we know whether to feed him because he’s hungry or feed him because he’s low on energy. But what about if he’s crying because he never got a second audition? Do we feed him then? What about if he didn’t get the callback because we’re feeding him too much? The baby books say nothing and the dieting books seem to be for people with full sets of teeth.
Sorry, where were we? Headshots? Yes, certainly. We had some taken specially by ultrasound. I can send you the best ones we’ve got here. Actually, now I look at them, it’s more a head-plus-toe-in-ear shot. He’s got his father’s jaw. Yes, well I, yes, I suppose that does mean my jaw. I don’t even know why I said that then. The doctor just said “he’s got his father’s jaw” when they showed us the images and I’ve just been repeating that information to everyone. I’d never really thought about what it meant. He’s got my jaw. How about that? Yes, I’ll hold.
Oh, you didn’t ask me to hold? Sorry. Was there anything else you needed? His skills? I don’t know. The doctor didn’t say anything in particular. He’s got a strong kick, I know that. So put down everything to do with strong kicking. Like martial arts. Or drawing. No, I don’t know how a strong kick means he can draw. I just think that maybe he’ll be able to draw. Yes, I take your point, but equally, there’s not a single thing he’s shown that he can’t do yet. Well, precisely.
Look, if that’s everything I guess we’ll be in touch in a couple of months. I don’t suppose much is likely to come up before then, is there? No, OK, I’ll just tell him to take it easy for a while longer when we have a catch-up this evening. I’ll send you this photo as soon as possible. Actually, would you mind if I sent you this other one. It’s basically also a headshot, it’s just from the top looking downwards. Also you can see a bit of a knee, if that helps at all. I’d like to keep this one has his jaw, if you don’t mind. And no rush, but perhaps next time we can discuss you representing his little sister.